I fell asleep last night watching The IT Crowd. My laptop was on the passenger side of the bed. Yes…my bed has a passenger side. I sleep on the driver’s side. I am the driver. Not lately. No one really drives the bed any more. I suppose I would gladly relinquish the driver’s side to an experienced motorist. But that’s not going to happen any time soon. Nope. Where was I? Oh…yes…asleep. My arm outstretched toward my laptop. Gently I snore. When I wake I try to move and can’t. My arm is pinned underneath something…someone. My little passenger that sneaks in during the night. Also the reason there is no new driver. I have no time. I have to test them out and vet them. It’s a whole process. No…no…my mini passenger is fine for now.
I must free my arm. It is asleep….whirring in a sensation of prickles and numbness. I tug…tug…tug….it’s free. She stirs and places her head on my pillow. I move her over to the passenger pillow. No Mumma! That’s my pillow! Shouting at four a.m. is hardly necessary. She shoves her head onto the small patch of available pillow that’s underneath my head. Her thick, curly hair filling my nose. Eva…this is mumma’s pillow. That’s Eva’s pillow. She disagrees…No! I address her a bit more sternly. Look sister…this is my bed. It’s four a.m. If you don’t like it you can go back to Eva’s bed. Okay…she says, defeated. She gets up and starts crawling over me to leave. Where are you going? To Eva’s bed…she replied. Wait…come back and stay with Mumma.
Little shit called my bluff. Most nights I can’t wait to get rid of her. Her bed time is my time to shine…well as much shining as one can do reading and writing in front of a laptop. I spend hours fighting with her to go to bed in her own room and every day she ends up in my bed in the wee hours of the morning. I can’t refuse her then…usually because I’m asleep. But those rare occasions that I am awake…I welcome her anyway. And that is just another mindfuck of motherhood.
No comments:
Post a Comment